Why I don't like books

OK ok yes i know. It's been like... months since my last posting. But can you really blame me though? I've been working, just started school, and a large amount of stress hit me in the form of a baby, a family war, lack of determination, and 1 crazy drunken night that I may or may not talk about. I'm debating on starting a youtube channel so i can make videos instead. Seems like it would be much easier than writing this.

I want to make it clear that the only reason i'm writing on a forum like this is because i have no where else to go. I have a lot of shit to say and no where to put it, and no one to listen. Even if no one is listening here, I can at least pretend that they are. I started this blog because i am freakin' determined to become a writer. And i swear i will become one. That's a promise, and i keep my promises.

Keep this blog safe, and maybe one day you'll know where the man named Elliott P. Hanesworth came from!

Speaking of being a writer... i don't like reading. Seriously. Like i actually love the idea of it, and i like rereading my old stuff, and there are some books i just can't put down. But when it comes to reading any book period, i just can't do it. Tell me to read any book, and unless it's a book i'm seriously dedicated to reading, i won't read it. It's not that i'm ADD or anything. I just have very specific tastes.

I think about the psychology of this. A lot of famous writers have admitted that they don't like to read. So it is a common thing. With me, it's a lot of different issues. Like i said, i have specific tastes. But also, when i was younger my mother used to punish me by making me read books. Ergo, now everytime i'm reading, i feel like i'm being punished. i pick up a book and it's like, "What did i do wrong now?"

But i think the biggest reason why i don't read is because my imagination is TOO big. You see it all the time, you hear about it, a girl makes a hot cup of cocoa, gets in her PJS, and gets a nice book to read to take her away to another world. You see, i don't need that. I never did. I have an entire universe in my mind, with new planets waiting to be explored. That's a metaphor. What i'm saying is, believe it or not, i have lived over a thousand other lives. I have experienced many different places and worlds. Literally, my imagination is so vast, i have thought about different foods, or i might think about getting punched, and when i think it i can literally get an after taste of the food i imagined, or my chin might tingle from where it was i've gotten punched. It's so bad that at work you may see me laughing to myself, or talking to myself, or worst-case scenario, i might actually flinch at nothing. It's happened before!

I'm not saying i'm better than anybody because of this, frankly, i'm jealous of anyone who can read books. Hell, i'm jealous of my cunt-of-an-ex-gf who has seen every Disney movie ever made, and has read more books than Belle from Beauty and the Beast. I wish i could do that.... i just can't. The only thing i can read are poems. Other books i have read were The Outsiders by S.E. Hinten, Skinny Dip by Carl Hiaasan, Go Ask Alice, The Lovely Bones, Anne Franks Diary, The Five People You Meet In Heaven, and A Series of Unfortunate Events. I actually got most of my dark humor from Lemony Snicket. And i have a tendency to really like books that are made of Journal Entries, because it's not like your reading a book, your reading someone else's life. Your listening to a person and their troubles day by day. So i really liked Flowers for Algernon, even though i never got to finish reading it...

I agree with people who say you can't replace books. You just can't. One of my favorite smells, is the smell of a really old book, a book that's First Edition. That smell... you just can't replace that. But i can't really read books. I don't want to be taken to another world, not when i have a whole Universe i have left to discover for myself.