Fools Gold

So i'm at a point in my life where i can account for the most important people in the world to me on one hand. If you read the previous posts you should know my parents aren't on there.

I have best friends, they're the greatest friends in the world, i have an aunt and uncle who have been more of a mother and father to me than my own. Actually accounting all the people, there's probably like... 7 or 8. I can't give an exact number because there is an anomaly there. But these people are absolute gold to me. And you know what you do with gold right? You keep it, and you wear it, and you show it off to the world, because it shows how rich you are. How could i have an unsure number for my gold pieces? To understand, i have to explain to you my story.

2011, at this point in my life the people who i love are made up of 3 people. I'm not counting my aunt and uncle because i never talk to them because i don't want to bother them, that's a different post. There it'd be my best friend in the entire world, we'll call him Samwise, or Sam. After that there's my current ex-girlfriend. Now it's important to mention we'd only been together for a month, known each other for 2. But i believed she was my soulmate, infact i still believe it. To this day i claim i love her more than any girl in the world. So we'll call her Lucy. Last but not least, its another girl. This girl was my best friend, better than Samwise. Reason being was because at the time, Samwise lived somewhere very far from me. Though he meant more to me than this girl ever could, she was there. Therefore, i spent a lot of great times with her. And she was perfect, curly hair, some dyed, innocent yet freaky. Nerdy, and loved it, wore hipster shades, and loved to be happy and have fun. She crafted things out of nothing, and loved indie music. For these reasons, we shall call her Zooey. It's also important to note that she tried to be exactly like Zooey Deschanel. And i had a major crush on Zooey Deschanel... the person not my best friend. But you can probably already see where the problems going to stem.

Now me and Zooey had plenty of good times, before i had met Lucy. And we went through a brief phase of being together. that ended though as I hadn't found myself yet. I was in the middle of a crises, and she didn't want a part of that. At the time it all made sense.

I met Lucy, and Lucy was this... goddess, this absolutely beautiful girl, who talked like she walked. She had experience that she regretted, but she used it to make the character that walked before you. She was absolutely the greatest girl, i'll ever meet. And I had to have her. She made the first move though... and at that point i knew it was love at first sight.

We spent 2 weeks together before i had to go home. She actually cried the day i left, and i will forever cherish that. This all happened during New years vacation, a vacation romance. And there was a tradition that went on in her family apparently, you take a dollar and put it in the person you loves hand, and they hold it in their right hand till new years was over. And i did it, and we shared New Years kiss, and we made love. It was an absolutely gorgeous way to start the new year.

I went home, to the open arms of my best friend Zooey. And i was ecstatic to see her. We hung out an entire night, where we talked about our relationship. It wasn't an argument, she just wanted to be sure we were best friend, not ordinary best friends. But Samwise and me best friends. So I nodded my head and said, "of course! We'll always be!"

And she happily replied, "I love you."

And i, with just as much, said, "I love you too."

This was a friendship love. But of course, my girl was going to have a problem with it. I assured her it was all okay. But she had every right to be paranoid. She didn't like that me and Zooey hung out till 2 in the morning every night. So of course, she asked for a compromise.This where the problems began.

A long time ago, another girlfriend of mine, we'll call her Kim, asked me to open up. She claimed she was not only my best friend, but my girlfriend. And she deserved the right to know if anything was bothering me. My story was pretty rough, but i was so used to being ignored, i just thought no body cared. But she did. Caught off guard, i divulged my inner secrets. Let myself open. She wanted it all. And she showed sympathy. And i felt sad. I wanted more. I became dramatic, vying for sympathy from everybody. i became her. She was the same way, no, she was worse. Because pretty soon... she stopped asking for it. And she just wanted it from me. When i refused, she cheated on me and left me. She just wanted attention. And she broke my heart to do it. I vowed never to fall under that spell again. Because in truth, we're all digging for gold, and nothing hurts worse, than to celebrate the riches you have, then have it crumble in a time when you needed it the most. Fools gold.

Fast forward back to Lucy. Asking me to just compromise. Compromise. A word that meant work out a situation to benefit both parties involved. The last time i worked out anything... it crumbled before me. The last time i changed anything... my heart crumbled. I was afraid of pain. Afraid of loss. Afraid of losing my honor and morals, all because of a girl? It wasn't worth it, not unless it was gold, but how could i be sure it was gold? Real gold wouldn't crack under pressure. So i stood my ground. I fought. And Zooey supported me. I fought to protect friendship, and real gold. Lucy was a chance at striking pounds of real gold, and Zooey was already a necklace made of gold. I wasn't taking her off.

A couple weeks of that, and Lucy crumbled. She was in pieces. And all i did was laugh, "Hah! I knew it wasn't real gold! I'm not stupid!" And Zooey laughed with me, i had made the right decision. Zooey went home. And i took a real look and the pieces... It was real. Lucy was real gold. I looked carefully, and it was real. It didn't make sense, how could it break? It was Samwise who told me, "Dude, it doesn't matter what that's made out of, put anything under the amount of pressure you did, it's bound to break. Your lucky it last that long."

I ran. I ran till i felt my knees pop. I ran till i was so weak i was leaning forward thinking that if i fall, at least i fall in that direction, i'll crawl the rest of the way... But it was gone. The jackpot, the huge bank of gold that i discovered was gone. All that was left, was the pieces i had. No amount of forging, and digging could fix what i did. and i knew that. I went home. I went home with sadness raining down on me.

February 10th, 2011.- Lucy leaves me.

But there was one bright side to all this. I'd go home, and i'd wake up in the morning, and i'll still have that bit of real gold, the one i fought so hard for. That one, i knew, was going to be there forever.

To anyone whose a pessimist and a realist, i'm sure you can guess what's going to happen. Putting it in my best metaphor, the jeweler came and took the necklace. Someone had bought it. fighting all this time for real gold, i had forgotten... it was never mine.

If you suck at metaphors, a day after me and Lucy broke up, Zooey came running to me. Told me that she had a new boyfriend she wanted me to meet. I met him, nice guy, too old for her, but whatever. She promised me, we'd always be best friends, and she'd never leave me fore her boyfriend.

.................And that's the last i saw of my gold. That's what i thought. Roughly about 6 or 7 months later, i found her again. We talked, and we argued in the quiet way we do. She actually apologized to me. I was shocked as hell. She always thought i was wrong, and she'd fight me and i always lost. Used to be, i didn't care, cause i loved her enough for that. Fighting with gold seemed pointless. She apologized, and promised to call me soon, and we'd be best friends, like we used to be.

... Nov. 11, 2011. I delete Zooey off my facebook.

In conclusion, it turns out the real gold i had all along, was made for a fool. And i'm the fool that gave up the riches of the world for that. Can you ever be sure you have real gold?

I have roughly about 7 people i can consider real gold. That's Samwise, my aunt, my uncle, Bo Bo, Husky, Bear, and of course... Lucy. You see, i'll always love Lucy, and nothing will ever change that. She may never be that gold for me, but she can sure as hell use me however she wants. She deserves at least that from me. As for the 8th? You guys know it's Zooey. I love Zooey to death, but she betrayed me. There's more to the story, i assure you. But for right now, all you need to know, is there's a knife in back from Zooey. I will always love her, though i don't want to. She selfishly left me, and didn't bother to even say goodbye. I don't need that. She does not deserve my gold. Because at this point in my life, the only gold she'd ever get from me, is that of a fool.

....I'm saying, i love her, but i know she'll never love me the same. I won't live with that,

Fuck female best friends!














December 31st, 2011 - Samwise's house, he gives me 12 grapes and tells me to eat them and make a wish. One wish, for every month of the new year. It's a tradition "Oh!' I say.I hand the grapes to my brother and tell him to hold it for a second. I take out my wallet and take out a little slip of paper. My brother asks, "What are you doing?"

I show him that in my right hand i hold a dollar bill, with the word LUCY, written on it. I look down at him and say, "...Just... doing my own tradition." And i held it, till the new year came. And i kissed it, and whispered, "If she did really love me... Maybe she'll come back."

.....Because that's the way it goes with treasure hunting right? You'd find that spot again?