My First Time

Keep in mind that while i write this, I am currently listening to "Street Lights" by Kanye West from his 808's and Heartbreak album. if anyone knows that song, you'll know why i'm on a strong romanticism kick.

Anyways i want to discuss my first time. For what reason? I got drunk and forgot to do the movie review so we'll just do it tomorrow if I have time. But a comment on the youtube video for Street Lights got me thinking about my first time. The comment was something along the lines of, "I put my penis in a vagina for the first time 2 years ago to this song." Roughly Paraphrasing.

So yeah my first time. It was with.... well she isn't but i'll consider her my first girlfriend. You might remember, her name was Kim.. I think? Don't feel like looking back. Now Kim was pretty, don't get that twisted. She was a bit thick, but it was nothing too bad. She was still very pretty and very cute. I remember describing her as looking just like Amy Adams, couple of mannerisms and all. Sure she was a whore, but there was more to her than that. She was innocent, cute, she was a good person, and honest and all that stupid shit.

She was long distance, so yeah that was stupid. But that doesn't take away anything. I loved being with her at the time, I was sure i was in love with her. I remember a text she sent her sister said, "Yeah long distance sucks, but i'm sure he's the guy i want to marry." That plucked my heart strings a bit. We finally met up and we hugged and held in any passionfor the sake of my best friend and her mom being around.

...So we got upstairs to her room. She locked the door, and slowly turned around. She gave me that look, like, "I can't believe your actually here." And she walked slowly towards me. I was sitting on her bed. She put one of my knees between her legs, took off my hat and gently ran her hands through my hair, never taking her eyes off me. She kissed me for the first time... and then she got on top of me and we kissed for a little bit. Other things happened but lets get to the nitty gritty.

She took her shorts off, i took my jeans off, i put a condom on. She got on top and started riding me and... Thats it. Now i'm listening to Kanye still, so I'm romantisizing this as much as i can. So now here to tell you what really went down, i'll put on some Tom Waits.

Now this bitch (yes i go through personality changes often) didn't do shit. She blew me, it sucked. She rode me. It sucked. I'm not trying to talk down to her, it's just with the experience she's had, i'd expect her to be good! Now you may be wondering, "How could sex at all be bad?"

In all honesty, it wasn't that bad. It MIGHT have been good. Bearable even. But the blow job lasted all of 4 minutes, and she got tired of doing it. It's my first time, and i was brought under the impression that any guy who lasted shorter than 5 minutes would be teased as having no sexual skill. But i worked it in my favor because i coerced her into having sex. she scoffed, but did it anyway. Condom was too tight, but whatever. She got on top, and rode me a bit. After about 5 minutes she asked, "Are you done yet?" I was like, "....we just got started." Another scoff. Then she started getting more into it. Thats what i'm talking about! I thought. She bent a bit more down, grabbed my shirt, and started saying, "cum for me baby! cum!"

So now i'm under this tremendous pressure. She wants me to and i can't! All i could think was Is this how women feel?! She finally stops and tells me she's tired, and we'll do it again when her moms not in the house. We'd go all out.

To be fair, she did finally make me cum when her mom was gone. but this didn't come till about a week after. we still had sex, but just for her. If you want a scoreboard, here you go: 15 days i had in the state she lived in. 12 days in total i had with her. of those 12 days she wanted to have sex maybe... 8 of those days. Of those 8 days, we had sex on an average 3 times. 2-4 times. Of all those times, you think.. and average of 24 times we had sex. She came every single one of those times. And me? I came... 4. If that number looks weird, i'll spell it out. FOUR. A guy and a girl had a sexual relationship where the girl came 6 TIMES the number the guy came.

So my first time was horrible really. And i really kinda regret it. The only good that came out of it was the fact that Lucy was so amazing, that she blew my mind. Having such low expectations as i did, boosted Lucy. I'm glad for that.

Back to Kanye, and what did i learn from my relationship with Kim? Well... sex with someone you love may not be all that sometimes. Sometimes trust and love isn't everything. Because you never know when you just got a case of the puppy love, or the tragic love. The whole "want what you can't have" thing? I loved Lucy, and it was the sexual chemistry that added to it. When i loved Kim, it was because i had no one else. Lucy... it was everything. We were attracted to each other, are personalities interested each other, our goals were somewhat the same, and the sex... just blew the door wide open. For kim, i was relying on love because you were there.

A little lesson for you people, you can't love someone just cause they're there! You can't expect anyone to love you just cause your there! Don't get me wrong, that's great too! But actions speak louder than words. Speaking the words is what will get you recognized. You have to be sure that love isn't based on anything except them, and thats tough, but believe me when i say you'll know it when you see it. Look out for sincerity, and be sure you see that people do feel for you. Love can blind you, and it can also hinder you. It'll leave you paranoid, but you have to find the right amount. What i'm saying may not make sense. but i hope you can understand what i'm saying enough.

P.S. Kim hooked up with 3 dudes and had sex with one a month after we broke up. She got a new boyfriend, broke up with him cause she's in college, and then got back with him cause she wanted a boyfriend in college. And now she's cheating on him. Be sure you know your girls fools. Nice guys need to learn a little something. We'll talk about that sometime.