Zooey's Story

Ok So i think you guys... or whoever reads my blogs, might have a somewhat clear story for Lucy and Kim. They were my biggest problems, and it's hard to let them go. But I never actually told you the story of Zooey. The best way i can describe her character... ever see the show "New Girl"? She is probably EXACTLY like Zooey Deschanel on that show. And i always say how i'm going to marry Zooey, this is just another reason.

So if by some magical reason you wasted enough time to not only read this post but then one where I told you what happened with Zooey, then you know why we aren't friends anymore. I won't have to cover that again. In case you don't want to read it, Zooey is the reason why me and Lucy aren't dating, and why i'll never be with the one i truly love... which is Lucy.

Do I hate Zooey? ...Fuck you. Fuck you for asking that. Simply because I have every reason to hate Zooey! There is no reason why i should feel anything but resent for that girl! But do i hate her? Can i ever say I hate her? Honestly no. I mean i can, but i won't mean it. I hate what she did to me, but her?

No, i'll always love her.

What you have to understand is that we were friends, best friends, for 4 months before i met Lucy. The first day we met we completed each others sentences. Most of her music could be found in the "Juno" soundtrack, because that's what she defined as indie. At the time, when that movie came out, indie just came out. And Indie, was basically blown up by that movie and Ellen
Page. Also contributed to the rise of people like Seth Rogan and Mike Cera. She also loved Zooey Deschanel, that much we had in common. I bought her some food and we talked about sex. Keep in mind, this is the FIRST day we met.

But this is just who we were.

Within 3 days i was over her house carving pumpkins using stencils for characters from Nightmare Before Christmas. I met her brother, her father, her mother, and her dogs. I loved them all. I loved her house, i loved her room. I loved her. She was probably the coolest girl i will ever meet in this world.

Partly because she was just like me.

Our arguments? Did we even have arguments? We couldn't yell at each other! We whispered things that bothered us while looking in the distance. We wanted to make each other happy. Everything i said, everything i did, was a move to impress her. We had silly string can fights, we took a road trip to the city, we went to the movies, we took walks, we explored ruined houses, we told jokes, we stayed up all night drinking and watching Fight Club. She cooked for me, and i cooked for her. Although my greatest friend in the world is Samwise, up until i met Zooey, i couldn't imagine a better time i had with a friend.

Yes we hooked up. We kissed, and a little more. But i'm not talking about that. I'm not going to talk about why we never went out, i'm not going to talk about why i never pushed for it. Because as much as i love this girl, the knife on my back came from a friend, not a girlfriend.

So i'll just skip over the day Lucy left me. It was in December, i was at my mothers house when i called up Zooey first thing in the morning about a concert to our favorite band. It was OUR favorite band, i believe her favorite at the time was MC Chris, and mine was Porcupine Tree. But Flogging Molly was something we shared together. I'll never forget the scream she let out when I told her about it. How excited she was that i had bought her a ticket. And i'll never forget the concert itself, which turned out to be just a fantastic night.

It was after all this that we stopped speaking. I was still in depression over losing Lucy, and Zooey suddenly got her boyfriend.

And so began my misogynist ways. I don't want people to get it twisted! I don't hate Zooey's boyfriend, i wasn't jealous of him. I didn't hate Zooey for going out with him, or spending time with him. I hate her, because i blatantly chose her over Lucy, for "friend code" and I never saw her again after the concert.

Something else followed. My brother had come for the summer. And i love my brother literally more than i love myself. He means the world to me. And i told him all about Zooey and he got very excited. He couldn't wait to meet her.

He left disappointed.

2 months with her boyfriend, and my bro was with me for 3. So 5 months, she couldn't give me a fucking day. 1 day was all i asked! Now a look at her side, she did wind up seeing me. Only for an hour and i had to go to work and my brother had gone out with my dad. She never got to see him. We never had the night like i dreamed, in the kitchen making cookies or whatever, while we had music playing, and just horsing around all 3 of us. Never happened.

And so we fast forward a bit. 2 weeks before my brother has to leave. Me and him are talking, about her no less! When speak of the devil she texts me. She wants to see me and my bro. I'm suddenly excited! Every bad thing i said about her i immediately swallow back! When my brother say's something, i yell at him. I defend her. She asks if we can hang out sunday. I say, "Of course! now you can meet my brother!" Excited she say's, "Yeah! I just got dinner with my boyfriends mom and him at 5 so i have to leave early."

This is where I snap. Let's review my situation. I have girlfriend at the time. I have 2 jobs. I got 4 classes at school. And my brother is visiting. So most of the time, i'm exhausted. I wasn't sure if i worked sunday but i was probably going to make sure. If i went to work, i'd leave at 12, so i'd go home, take a shower, get dressed, wait for her, decide on a place to go, meet her there, spend time there and have to leave before 5. I take long ass showers ok? And when it comes to getting ready i tend to procrastinate by instinct. So by the time we are all ready and seeing each other, it'd be around 2:30, at best. and she has to leave before 5 to get home and get ready. So maybe around 4 she has to leave. It's been 4 months since she saw me, and she's never met my brother, and all she's giving me is ONE and a HALF HOUR.

All my anger flowed at that point, for every girl that took advantage of me, for every stupid decision i ever made. I had an epiphany within 10 seconds and suddenly realized the horrible mistake i made when i chose her over Lucy. I wanted to yell at her. I wanted to argue with her. I wanted to run to her house till the blood was drained from my body, i wanted to bang on her door and throw the birthday card she made me and ask for every minute of time wasted with her back. This was my chance to finally let it all out, and close a relationship which i suddenly regretted with all of my soul.

"I'm sorry Zooey, i promised my brother i'd spend time with him alone before he goes."

She didn't understand what i was doing, and she didn't even bother to ask if she could join, like i predicted. Now before you judge me for letting her off so easy, what you have to understand is i loved her. What's worse is she was my Kryptonite. I could spend 2 years mad at her, but once she looks at me, i'm weak. I can't argue with her. She's the type of girl that you'd always feel like you were wrong. She's always right.

But that was the last time i tried talking to her, and her last attempt to saving our friendship.

After a total of 8 months, we met at a costume place where she promised to talk to me. I covered what happened with that in my story of lost love.

So I mention her every now and then, and whenever somebody asks, i tell them the story, hopefully they get some enlightenment from it. I hear things like, "Yo i would've smacked that bitch," "How were you even friends with her?" and, "I know you fuckin hate her right?"

And i always look at them with a weirded face and say, "...No, i don't." To this day, i will always wish her the best. Her boyfriend to my knowledge was a decent guy. Sure 8 years older or something, but still good. And i know she has fun with him, they balance each other out cause she's everything he isn't. She's happy, and if she could've left me in anyway, i'm glad it's like that.

I don't think she's aware i deleted her off of facebook, she hasn't tried once to contact me, and she had many different ways to. I could blame her for everything. But in the end, whats that going to do? I'm just going to be left with hate, and i don't want that. I loved her, for what she was. And i'll always remember the good times. I don't think i will ever have that much fun with a friend again, but i really don't need to. I got better friends. I'm better off without her.

I don't know how she's doing now, how her family is, if she's still with her boyfriend, or if she even remembers me. But i do know this. She helped me a lot when i was going crazy, and encouraged my imaginative growth. I never had that before, and for that i'm thankful. There's no reason to hate anybody or anything in this world to me. My hate list is 2 people long, and i'm determined to keep it that way. Every night or so, i'll look up at the sky. I'll sing a song by the Eels and dedicate it to Lucy. After that i think about the wrong that Zooey did to me, and i'll smile and hope that she's ok. Am i crazy? Yes. But, as Charles Bukowski once said:

"Some people never go crazy, what truly horrible lives they must lead."

P.S. If Zooey ever came to me on Facebook and finally apologize, and finally ask if we can hang out, your damn right i'm going to tell her to fuck off! Maybe a nice way, but Fuck off no less!